Since January I've had to deal with a lot of changes..Actually, since August. Tim and I started having some problems in our marriage then, and we didn't know if we were going to stay together or not..Before I knew it, it was January and Tim was having a heart attack. We've been through a lot the past year. Ever since January, I haven't felt right.. My Dr. claims it's because my resistance is down due to stress.
Saturday evening, I called my mom..I was feeling lonely and upset, for no reason in particular..just feeling down and we went out driving around. I felt relieved as soon as she pulled into the driveway. Is that weird? I'm married, have 2 daughters, and a puppy that poops everywhere but outside. I shouldn't be feeling like this.. My mother used to drive me nuts..and now just her being near me makes me feel relieved and like I can let my guard down.
I am very vague with her about my feelings or what goes on in my life, unless it's something good. I like to hold everything in..just keep everything to myself..you know, the healthy way. (that was a joke) Anyway.. We drove around. I instantly felt better, she chatted on and on about stuff in her life..good and bad. An hour later..we pull in the driveway, I wave bye to her and run inside..I instantly go to my bedroom and have a breakdown. What the heck is going on with me..Geez. I'm a loose cannon. Waterworks.
Tim came in and put his arms around me and wanted to know if I wanted to talk about it. I just told him I didn't know what to do about how I was feeling and I needed some sort of direction and just felt sad. We started talking about church..He is a believer. I'm a skeptic. I've been agnostic since I was a teenager and started forming my own opinions (when I realized my parents' opinions weren't my own). We have this friend Rishelle, who has been asking us to go to her church for ages, and finally, Saturday night, we decided we'd go.
I went with an open mind on Sunday morning with Tim and the girls. I'm still processing what the pastor said.. His lesson was about why is God taking so long to answer our prayers.. I understood what he said..thought he may have made a few too many jokes, but when we left, I felt better. My soul felt better. I dont know why..I have no answers still. I dont know what to think or believe.
We're going back in a couple of weeks. Maybe check out Brooks' church in OFallon.
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I am not a Bible pusher...they used to bother me, so I won't say much more, but I had that vague empty pit for a few years and then after a month or 2 of going to church I knew exactly what I had been missing. It takes time.
ReplyDeleteIts wierd, I know. Yep, call me a dork.